SET LIST FIVE (5)

       1 Mic Drop…………………...47

      2 One Night Stan

     3 Meet Michael Hawk………….48

     4 There It Goes………...50

     5 Living Large……………...51

    6 No Thanks Babe

    7  Look Her Up…………….53

    8  Hideaway……….53

    9 In a Jiffy

     10 Fifty Ways……………..55

     11 She Don't Come Easy……..57

     12 Cinnabon Girl

MIC DROP

In I walk

You hear the mic drop

Even the hands of the clock stop

All the fans in stands knees knock

Once rhymes start dropping there’s no stopping

Girls kicking their knickers and panties off

As seats are getting wet from where it’s soft like cotton

The chicks with a flick of their wrists

Are lingerie tossing

We be G-string flossing

The floozies are using my sausage as a lozenge

Then I asked if salad tossing is an option

We all know I come with extra dressing

‘Cause I’m flexing and not stressing

But just to get that much flesh in

There is bound to be some messing

It will get down and dirty

If she’s flirty and under thirty

Hope you’re thirsty is she gets squirty

Look now we’re all sweaty ‘cause she’s ready

to have you and your best friend

to put it in and take it out

Now her mouth

Now her spout

Now her mouth

Now her spout

And now…

BABY PULL IT OUT!

Must be time to console

Oops…went in the wrong hole

(But it wasn’t REALLY the wrong hole)

Yeah, guys know…

(stop look around)

Hey, any bi’s blow?

I still get good wood on the fast ball!

Yes, I’ll fuck trannys who are passable

Go ahead…Make my day!

And lick my balls and @sshole!

ONE NIGHT STAN

Well I’m going out tonight

And I look ‘aight

It’s time to give the ladies hell

We’ll catch one under our spell

And then maybe take her home

You know I love to bone!

The next morning I’ll drop her off

And never call her on the phone

You can call me ‘one night Stan”

Hey baby, I’m YOUR man!

Let’s have a little fling

Who get the girls to sing?

And as you’re calling out my name

We’ll get this kitten tamed

I’ll give you the best day of your life

Then sneak out in the middle of the night

Yeah, you get just one day then I’m afraid

I’ll have to go star on another stage

Today it’s ALL the rage

So don’t feel like YOU’VE been played

They call me ‘wrong number Bill’

Hey baby come and get your fill!

They call me ‘long gone John’

It may not be right…

But you can’t tell me that it’s wrong!

MEET MICHAEL HAWK

I called up this girl who

was going to see me tonight

She told me she was going to

a play with Michael Hawk…

Have you ever

met Michael Hawk?

I heard all his friends

call him Mike

He’s real friendly with the ladies

There’s something

about him they all like

Have you ever

met Michael Hawk?

He’s what they call

a real standup guy

He is over

six feet tall

And almost two feet wide

Michael Hawk might look

a little strange to you

Because his head is purple

His belly is white

And his feet are blue

He’s a memorable man

that Michael Hawk…

He always leans when he walks

He only wears one sock

And he never, ever talks

All the girls fall in love

with Michael Hawk

They say he’ll fit you

like a glove

that Michael Hawk

And that no man rises above

Michael Hawk

Yes, he’s very well

thought of that

Michael Hawk

Come along with

Michael Hawk

Won’t you dance

with Michael Hawk?

Hum a song to

Michael Hawk

Wrap your hands

around Michael Hawk

But never laugh

at Michael Hawk

And never turn your back on

Michael Hawk

Or you might get

slapped by Michael Hawk

For he’s very rash

that Michael Hawk

Have him for breakfast

Michael Hawk

Make him supper

Michael Hawk

Introduce him to your

sister and mother

Michael Hawk

But not your father or brother

Michael Hawk

He reminds me of a pirate,

Michael Hawk

For he’s only got one good eye

He’s made many girls go blind

Other girls quiver

and other girls cry

If you ever come across

Michael Hawk

Don’t hesitate to

give him a kiss

Just so long

as you don’t mind

The slight taste

of salt upon your lips

THERE IT GOES

Ninety nine percent of my time is spent alone

And I give the one percent to the fucking hoes

I’m good for dick and not much else

I have a hard time controlling myself

Those that I love I hurt the most

In time you’ll find I’ve become a ghost

You think you see me

I’m not really there

Behind my fake concern

I don’t really care

Ninety nine percent of my time is spent alone

And I give the one percent to the fucking hoes

She turns a trick

Well that’s a treat

We get a room

Take her off the street

Hey babe

How ‘bout breakfast in bed

Could you give me a hand?

And maybe some head

Ninety nine percent of my time is spent alone

And I give the one percent to the fucking hoes

Some have a job

And others have a hobby

I got an excuse to leave

When hard gets floppy

I leave ‘em hot

And I leave ‘em soggy

I leave ‘em cold

With no, “I’m sorry”

Ninety nine percent of my time is spent alone

And I give the one percent to the fucking hoes

You better get it while you can…

And there it goes

LIVING LARGE

When my fat girl winked at me

I smiled back Immediately

‘Cause I’ve learned to

like ‘em you see

hefty, chunky,

bumpy and large

You know when obesity

Comes running towards me

You know I don’t stray far

Oh yeah…oh yeah….

I’ve grown to love ‘em large

Sure she’s got some

pie on the thigh

And some rack on the lamb

But at least I found someone

Who loves me for who I am…

Sure she may sag a bed

Or perhaps maybe

even bend a chair

But it’s really good

for your head

To know she’ll

always be there…

Sure, she’s got more

than just one chin

And the girth of

two full-grown men

But she’s become

the center of my earth

Not because of

gravity but because

I know what true

love is worth…

It’s not weighed by

pounds of the flesh

Yet it’s so rare that

Two people mesh

Sure, she fell on me

the last time we hugged

That’s not how or why

I got sucked into the

belly button of love…

I just felt so cozy

so safe, so warm

And well-protected from

all of this world’s harm

So now I live here in this place

Living off the

crumbs and gravy

that runs down

The sides of her face…

Sure, when she sits

she somehow expands

But we were meant

to become one

in God’s great big plan

Because I finally found a girl

Who loves me for all that I am

So when my fat girl winked at me

I smiled back immediately

‘Cause I’ve learned to

love ‘em you see

hefty, chunky, bumpy and large

You know when obesity

Comes running towards me

You know I don’t stray far

Oh yeah…oh yeah….

I’ve grown to love ‘em large

Oh yeah…oh yeah….

I’ve grown to love ‘em large

NO THANKS BABE

I said no thanks babe

No I don’t want that

If you end up looking like your momma

That’ll be too damn fat

I’m not looking for a one-night stand

I’m looking for a wife

Not looking to just share my bed

Looking to share my whole life

It’s not easy

chopping down family trees

They call me the gardener

when I’m raking up your leaves

How many men

have you been with?

Any history of disease?

I need to know it all

So answer if you please

LOOK HER UP

You fell in love

But she wasn’t a ten

Now you’re wondering

What if you went back again…

Would you look her up

Just to f*ck her hot friend?

Yeah, that’s the question

Most asked amongst men

Some live to run themselves

Straight through the ringer

Keep falling in love

With all these unplugged singers

When they’ve already heard the story

As we count the fallen seeking glory

HIDEAWAY

Digging ditches by the side of the road – yeah

Two trains are coming and they’re overloaded – oh no

The bomb went off there was a giant explosion

Lots of things got lost amidst the commotion

Lots of people changed and it wasn’t for the better

“Every man for himself!” they all cried together

Yeah roll, duck and cover

Is a real mother fucker

When the room’s on fire

And you’re the burning tire

This scene that you’re seeing

Makes you feel so out of being

Leaves wondering if you’ll ever be the same?

It’s been a devil of a day

And you haven’t yet escaped

You’ll be lucky if you get home with your name

Often times when I’m touring

I find myself exploring

New people, places, things and states of mind

Oh… so why would I be lonely

When there’s so much you could show me

You know that we could take a trip at any time…

Yeah, I’m right here

But I’m willing to disappear

We could find ourselves a little hideaway…

I know you’re husband’s out of town

And he won’t be coming ‘round

You know we could sure have ourselves a day…

Well, mamma said yes

Just like I guessed

So we proceeded on our way

To the traveler’s inn down town

Where we could lay ourselves down

And have a cozy little stay

Well we were walking from car

A boy yelled, “Mommy, there you are!”

I felt her let go of my hand right away

Little boy and mommy looked surprised

Both looked at me with great big eyes

And I said, “Hi, my name is Dave and I’m gay.”

IN A JIFFY

She had a reputation for repetition

Yeah, lots of guys got what they were wishing

Easier than going fishing

Boy, you ain't kidding

Like one-string fiddling

Or perhaps burning kindling

When two hands start fondling

So quickly she's responding

There's a party in her pants

And I was that night's guest of honor

Though I didn't really want her

Even though she's hotter than fire

With her eyes filled with desire

I shoulda took my worm off the hook

And walked away from the water

Because lately I've been being haunted

By an unwanted and unfading memory

Two pictures taken for someone else

For some reason I ended up getting them

I got them all to myself

Yeah, those, and a thong are all that she left me

Well, that and a couple of songs

And now that she has gone

I guess I'm getting along

But it still feels a little wrong

That's she's on her way back to Taiwan

And now I'm back to hitting on my bong

For you see she left me in a jiffy

After giving me a stiffy

I ended up getting one last quicky

And then she was history

She said that she had to go

She had to go and unlock the mystery

I said if these walls could talk

Then we'd both be the talk of the century

She said if these walls could talk

Then we'd both be in the penitentiary

To which I replied that all depends

On who's sitting on the jury

She believed that we'd go free

If she could do to them

What she had done to me

Well I guess by now you see

Why she's able to be walking down the street

And why when it comes to me

They're bringing the heat

'Cause when she got down on her knees

I was still standing on my feet

Because you see...

She had a reputation for repetition

Yeah, lots of guys got what they were wishing

Easier than going fishing

Boy, you ain't kidding

Like one-string fiddling

Or perhaps burning kindling

When two hands start fondling

So quickly she's responding

There's a party in her pants

And I was that night's guest of honor

Though I didn't really want her

Even though she's hotter than fire

With her eyes filled with desire

I shoulda took my worm off the hook

And walked away from the water

If she ever had a kid

The whole block could be the father

FIFTY WAYS (Spoof of FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER)

The problem is he gets no head not a sniff of pussy

The answer is easy if you take advice from me

I can help you make it big your little, little peter

There must be fifty ways to fuck your lover

He said he got no courage around the girls

So they don’t open their shells, don’t give up their pearls

I say if you want the sex then just be direct

There must be fifty ways to fuck your lover, fifty ways to fuck your lover

Put a bag over head Ted

Make sure she's on the pill Bill

Just whip out your dick Nick

Ride her like a bike Mike

Do her doggy style Kyle

Hit her from the back Jack

Play her like a toy Roy

Go and slip it in Vin

Give her a spank Frank

Stick it right between her lips Chip

Tell her jump on John

How about sharing Aaron

Tell her right now gimmie Jimmy

Watch out for a quiffs Keith

Go dive in the gorge George

Give her your all Paul

You better make her moan Ramon

Drop the bomb Tom

Measure her by the meter Peter

Get it nice and sweaty Eddie

Look out for the puss Russ

Whip out your meat Pete

Give it a shave Dave

Grab her two knobs Bob

I wanna hear her squeal Neal

Rub it on her hymen Simon

Go for the cherry theft Jeff

Make sure it's bleeding Stephen

Ask her to free Willy Billy

Shoot a wad Rod

Try not to turn her gay Ray

Don't be a homo so go for the blow Mo

Play homerun derby and give her the bat Matt

Do her in the dark Mark

Watch out for the smell Mel

Turn her black and blue Lou

Don't make her beg Greg

Play Adam and Eve Steve

Lift up her shirt Kurt

Make her your bitch Rich

Try for the whole fist Chris

Make sure it's clean Dean

Don't be a dad Brad

Get her wet and hot Scott

Make her panties sticky Rickey

Never settle for a hug Doug

Go taste some candy Andy

Let her ride the bologny pony Tony

Unbutton her pants Lance

Just give her a good fuck Chuck

You don't' have to discuss much...

He said he was impressed and he’d see how it goes

Now that he’d seen just how to pimp the hoes

If you’re a player know a player plays for there must be fifty ways

He said with this new insight he was sure to score tonight

Later on when I saw him with a lady I knew that he was right

In the morning we’ll have to check her pillow to see if she bites

There must be fifty ways to lick your lover,

And fifty guys who met your mother!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha...

SHE DON’T COME EASY (spoof of IT DON’T COME EASY)

One, two,

One, two, three, four!

She don’t cum easy

You know she don’t cum easy

You’ve asked a lot of dudes who’ve said that it’s the truth

Now you know she don’t cum easy

You can open up your mouth and stick your tongue way out

But you’ll just get claustrophobic and queasy

Spread those legs apart

Let’s cum together

She said but before you even start

I want you to know that I’ve had better...

It don’t matter if you’re gonna fuck or if you lick and suck

We all know she don’t cum easy

She’ll stack ‘em side by side lined up in rows of five

Asking, “Who’ll be the one to please me?”

Wet… that pussy is what you want to make it

Sure, she’s lied to other guys

Look her in the eyes and watch out that she don’t fake it

You’ve asked a lot of dudes who’ve said that it’s the truth

Now you know she don’t cum easy

You can open up your mouth and stick your tongue way out

But you’ll just get claustrophobic and queasy

Wet… that pussy is what you want to make it

Sure, she’s lied to other guys

Look her in the eyes and watch out that she don’t fake it

It don’t matter if you’re gonna fuck or if you lick and suck

We all know she don’t cum easy

She’ll stack ‘em side by side lined up in rows of five

Asking, “Who’ll be the one to please me?”

CINNABON GIRL (spoof of CINNAMON GIRL)

I fell in love with a Cinnabon Girl

When she reached in with her nub

And gave my foam latte a swirl

My Cinnabon Girl

She drank cream from the pitcher

Stole all the butter in sight

And when she called me her pecan

It was to my delight

My Cinnabon Girl

Six sticky buns for here

At least two more to go

And throw in a cup of glaze

Because you just never know

With a Cinnabon girl

She looked at me

Like I had pies in my eyes

I whispered in her ear

“For you it's a la mode, my dear”

To my Cinnabon Girl

I ordered three vanilla crullers

She made ‘em disappear

My eyes grew wide

I can’t say how …

I can only say where

But, it was the last croissant

Which we both did want

So we got into a fight...

Now it seems like nothing’s right

Right!!!

Right!

Right?

I fell in love with a Cinnabon Girl

When she reached in with her nub

And gave my foam latte a swirl

My Cinnabon Girl