SET LIST FIVE (5)
1 Mic
Drop…………………...47
2 One Night Stan
3 Meet Michael
Hawk………….48
4 There It
Goes………...50
5 Living
Large……………...51
6 No Thanks Babe
7 Look Her
Up…………….53
8 Hideaway……….53
9 In a Jiffy
10 Fifty
Ways……………..55
11 She Don't Come
Easy……..57
12 Cinnabon Girl
MIC
DROP
In
I walk
You
hear the mic drop
Even
the hands of the clock stop
All
the fans in stands knees knock
Once
rhymes start dropping there’s no stopping
Girls
kicking their knickers and panties off
As
seats are getting wet from where it’s soft like cotton
The
chicks with a flick of their wrists
Are
lingerie tossing
We
be G-string flossing
The
floozies are using my sausage as a lozenge
Then
I asked if salad tossing is an option
We
all know I come with extra dressing
‘Cause
I’m flexing and not stressing
But
just to get that much flesh in
There
is bound to be some messing
It
will get down and dirty
If
she’s flirty and under thirty
Hope
you’re thirsty is she gets squirty
Look
now we’re all sweaty ‘cause she’s ready
to
have you and your best friend
to
put it in and take it out
Now
her mouth
Now
her spout
Now
her mouth
Now
her spout
And
now…
BABY
PULL IT OUT!
Must
be time to console
Oops…went
in the wrong hole
(But
it wasn’t REALLY the wrong hole)
Yeah,
guys know…
(stop
look around)
Hey,
any bi’s blow?
I
still get good wood on the fast ball!
Yes,
I’ll fuck trannys who are passable
Go
ahead…Make my day!
And
lick my balls and @sshole!
ONE
NIGHT STAN
Well
I’m going out tonight
And
I look ‘aight
It’s
time to give the ladies hell
We’ll
catch one under our spell
And
then maybe take her home
You
know I love to bone!
The
next morning I’ll drop her off
And
never call her on the phone
You
can call me ‘one night Stan”
Hey
baby, I’m YOUR man!
Let’s
have a little fling
Who
get the girls to sing?
And
as you’re calling out my name
We’ll
get this kitten tamed
I’ll
give you the best day of your life
Then
sneak out in the middle of the night
Yeah,
you get just one day then I’m afraid
I’ll
have to go star on another stage
Today
it’s ALL the rage
So
don’t feel like YOU’VE been played
They
call me ‘wrong number Bill’
Hey
baby come and get your fill!
They
call me ‘long gone John’
It
may not be right…
But
you can’t tell me that it’s wrong!
MEET
MICHAEL HAWK
I
called up this girl who
was
going to see me tonight
She
told me she was going to
a
play with Michael Hawk…
Have
you ever
met
Michael Hawk?
I
heard all his friends
call
him Mike
He’s
real friendly with the ladies
There’s
something
about
him they all like
Have
you ever
met
Michael Hawk?
He’s
what they call
a
real standup guy
He
is over
six
feet tall
And
almost two feet wide
Michael
Hawk might look
a
little strange to you
Because
his head is purple
His
belly is white
And
his feet are blue
He’s
a memorable man
that
Michael Hawk…
He
always leans when he walks
He
only wears one sock
And
he never, ever talks
All
the girls fall in love
with
Michael Hawk
They
say he’ll fit you
like
a glove
that
Michael Hawk
And
that no man rises above
Michael
Hawk
Yes,
he’s very well
thought
of that
Michael
Hawk
Come
along with
Michael
Hawk
Won’t
you dance
with
Michael Hawk?
Hum
a song to
Michael
Hawk
Wrap
your hands
around
Michael Hawk
But
never laugh
at
Michael Hawk
And
never turn your back on
Michael
Hawk
Or
you might get
slapped
by Michael Hawk
For
he’s very rash
that
Michael Hawk
Have
him for breakfast
Michael
Hawk
Make
him supper
Michael
Hawk
Introduce
him to your
sister
and mother
Michael
Hawk
But
not your father or brother
Michael
Hawk
He
reminds me of a pirate,
Michael
Hawk
For
he’s only got one good eye
He’s
made many girls go blind
Other
girls quiver
and
other girls cry
If
you ever come across
Michael
Hawk
Don’t
hesitate to
give
him a kiss
Just
so long
as
you don’t mind
The
slight taste
of
salt upon your lips
THERE
IT GOES
Ninety
nine percent of my time is spent alone
And
I give the one percent to the fucking hoes
I’m
good for dick and not much else
I
have a hard time controlling myself
Those
that I love I hurt the most
In
time you’ll find I’ve become a ghost
You
think you see me
I’m
not really there
Behind
my fake concern
I
don’t really care
Ninety
nine percent of my time is spent alone
And
I give the one percent to the fucking hoes
She
turns a trick
Well
that’s a treat
We
get a room
Take
her off the street
Hey
babe
How
‘bout breakfast in bed
Could
you give me a hand?
And
maybe some head
Ninety
nine percent of my time is spent alone
And
I give the one percent to the fucking hoes
Some
have a job
And
others have a hobby
I
got an excuse to leave
When
hard gets floppy
I
leave ‘em hot
And
I leave ‘em soggy
I
leave ‘em cold
With
no, “I’m sorry”
Ninety
nine percent of my time is spent alone
And
I give the one percent to the fucking hoes
You
better get it while you can…
And
there it goes
LIVING
LARGE
When
my fat girl winked at me
I
smiled back Immediately
‘Cause
I’ve learned to
like
‘em you see
hefty,
chunky,
bumpy
and large
You
know when obesity
Comes
running towards me
You
know I don’t stray far
Oh
yeah…oh yeah….
I’ve
grown to love ‘em large
Sure
she’s got some
pie
on the thigh
And
some rack on the lamb
But
at least I found someone
Who
loves me for who I am…
Sure
she may sag a bed
Or
perhaps maybe
even
bend a chair
But
it’s really good
for
your head
To
know she’ll
always
be there…
Sure,
she’s got more
than
just one chin
And
the girth of
two
full-grown men
But
she’s become
the
center of my earth
Not
because of
gravity
but because
I
know what true
love
is worth…
It’s
not weighed by
pounds
of the flesh
Yet
it’s so rare that
Two
people mesh
Sure,
she fell on me
the
last time we hugged
That’s
not how or why
I
got sucked into the
belly
button of love…
I
just felt so cozy
so
safe, so warm
And
well-protected from
all
of this world’s harm
So
now I live here in this place
Living
off the
crumbs
and gravy
that
runs down
The
sides of her face…
Sure,
when she sits
she
somehow expands
But
we were meant
to
become one
in
God’s great big plan
Because
I finally found a girl
Who
loves me for all that I am
So
when my fat girl winked at me
I
smiled back immediately
‘Cause
I’ve learned to
love
‘em you see
hefty,
chunky, bumpy and large
You
know when obesity
Comes
running towards me
You
know I don’t stray far
Oh
yeah…oh yeah….
I’ve
grown to love ‘em large
Oh
yeah…oh yeah….
I’ve
grown to love ‘em large
NO
THANKS BABE
I
said no thanks babe
No
I don’t want that
If
you end up looking like your momma
That’ll
be too damn fat
I’m
not looking for a one-night stand
I’m
looking for a wife
Not
looking to just share my bed
Looking
to share my whole life
It’s
not easy
chopping
down family trees
They
call me the gardener
when
I’m raking up your leaves
How
many men
have
you been with?
Any
history of disease?
I
need to know it all
So
answer if you please
LOOK
HER UP
You
fell in love
But
she wasn’t a ten
Now
you’re wondering
What
if you went back again…
Would
you look her up
Just
to f*ck her hot friend?
Yeah,
that’s the question
Most
asked amongst men
Some
live to run themselves
Straight
through the ringer
Keep
falling in love
With
all these unplugged singers
When
they’ve already heard the story
As
we count the fallen seeking glory
HIDEAWAY
Digging
ditches by the side of the road – yeah
Two
trains are coming and they’re overloaded – oh no
The
bomb went off there was a giant explosion
Lots
of things got lost amidst the commotion
Lots
of people changed and it wasn’t for the better
“Every
man for himself!” they all cried together
Yeah
roll, duck and cover
Is
a real mother fucker
When
the room’s on fire
And
you’re the burning tire
This
scene that you’re seeing
Makes
you feel so out of being
Leaves
wondering if you’ll ever be the same?
It’s
been a devil of a day
And
you haven’t yet escaped
You’ll
be lucky if you get home with your name
Often
times when I’m touring
I
find myself exploring
New
people, places, things and states of mind
Oh…
so why would I be lonely
When
there’s so much you could show me
You
know that we could take a trip at any time…
Yeah,
I’m right here
But
I’m willing to disappear
We
could find ourselves a little hideaway…
I
know you’re husband’s out of town
And
he won’t be coming ‘round
You
know we could sure have ourselves a day…
Well,
mamma said yes
Just
like I guessed
So
we proceeded on our way
To
the traveler’s inn down town
Where
we could lay ourselves down
And
have a cozy little stay
Well
we were walking from car
A
boy yelled, “Mommy, there you are!”
I
felt her let go of my hand right away
Little
boy and mommy looked surprised
Both
looked at me with great big eyes
And
I said, “Hi, my name is Dave and I’m gay.”
IN
A JIFFY
She
had a reputation for repetition
Yeah,
lots of guys got what they were wishing
Easier
than going fishing
Boy,
you ain't kidding
Like
one-string fiddling
Or
perhaps burning kindling
When
two hands start fondling
So
quickly she's responding
There's
a party in her pants
And
I was that night's guest of honor
Though
I didn't really want her
Even
though she's hotter than fire
With
her eyes filled with desire
I
shoulda took my worm off the hook
And
walked away from the water
Because
lately I've been being haunted
By
an unwanted and unfading memory
Two
pictures taken for someone else
For
some reason I ended up getting them
I
got them all to myself
Yeah,
those, and a thong are all that she left me
Well,
that and a couple of songs
And
now that she has gone
I
guess I'm getting along
But
it still feels a little wrong
That's
she's on her way back to Taiwan
And
now I'm back to hitting on my bong
For
you see she left me in a jiffy
After
giving me a stiffy
I
ended up getting one last quicky
And
then she was history
She
said that she had to go
She
had to go and unlock the mystery
I
said if these walls could talk
Then
we'd both be the talk of the century
She
said if these walls could talk
Then
we'd both be in the penitentiary
To
which I replied that all depends
On
who's sitting on the jury
She
believed that we'd go free
If
she could do to them
What
she had done to me
Well
I guess by now you see
Why
she's able to be walking down the street
And
why when it comes to me
They're
bringing the heat
'Cause
when she got down on her knees
I
was still standing on my feet
Because
you see...
She
had a reputation for repetition
Yeah,
lots of guys got what they were wishing
Easier
than going fishing
Boy,
you ain't kidding
Like
one-string fiddling
Or
perhaps burning kindling
When
two hands start fondling
So
quickly she's responding
There's
a party in her pants
And
I was that night's guest of honor
Though
I didn't really want her
Even
though she's hotter than fire
With
her eyes filled with desire
I
shoulda took my worm off the hook
And
walked away from the water
If
she ever had a kid
The
whole block could be the father
FIFTY
WAYS (Spoof of FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER)
The
problem is he gets no head not a sniff of pussy
The
answer is easy if you take advice from me
I
can help you make it big your little, little peter
There
must be fifty ways to fuck your lover
He
said he got no courage around the girls
So
they don’t open their shells, don’t give up their pearls
I
say if you want the sex then just be direct
There
must be fifty ways to fuck your lover, fifty ways to fuck your lover
Put
a bag over head Ted
Make
sure she's on the pill Bill
Just
whip out your dick Nick
Ride
her like a bike Mike
Do
her doggy style Kyle
Hit
her from the back Jack
Play
her like a toy Roy
Go
and slip it in Vin
Give
her a spank Frank
Stick
it right between her lips Chip
Tell
her jump on John
How
about sharing Aaron
Tell
her right now gimmie Jimmy
Watch
out for a quiffs Keith
Go
dive in the gorge George
Give
her your all Paul
You
better make her moan Ramon
Drop
the bomb Tom
Measure
her by the meter Peter
Get
it nice and sweaty Eddie
Look
out for the puss Russ
Whip
out your meat Pete
Give
it a shave Dave
Grab
her two knobs Bob
I
wanna hear her squeal Neal
Rub
it on her hymen Simon
Go
for the cherry theft Jeff
Make
sure it's bleeding Stephen
Ask
her to free Willy Billy
Shoot
a wad Rod
Try
not to turn her gay Ray
Don't
be a homo so go for the blow Mo
Play
homerun derby and give her the bat Matt
Do
her in the dark Mark
Watch
out for the smell Mel
Turn
her black and blue Lou
Don't
make her beg Greg
Play
Adam and Eve Steve
Lift
up her shirt Kurt
Make
her your bitch Rich
Try
for the whole fist Chris
Make
sure it's clean Dean
Don't
be a dad Brad
Get
her wet and hot Scott
Make
her panties sticky Rickey
Never
settle for a hug Doug
Go
taste some candy Andy
Let
her ride the bologny pony Tony
Unbutton
her pants Lance
Just
give her a good fuck Chuck
You
don't' have to discuss much...
He
said he was impressed and he’d see how it goes
Now
that he’d seen just how to pimp the hoes
If
you’re a player know a player plays for there must be fifty ways
He
said with this new insight he was sure to score tonight
Later
on when I saw him with a lady I knew that he was right
In
the morning we’ll have to check her pillow to see if she bites
There
must be fifty ways to lick your lover,
And
fifty guys who met your mother!
Ha
ha ha ha ha ha...
SHE
DON’T COME EASY (spoof of IT DON’T COME EASY)
One,
two,
One,
two, three, four!
She
don’t cum easy
You
know she don’t cum easy
You’ve
asked a lot of dudes who’ve said that it’s the truth
Now
you know she don’t cum easy
You
can open up your mouth and stick your tongue way out
But
you’ll just get claustrophobic and queasy
Spread
those legs apart
Let’s
cum together
She
said but before you even start
I
want you to know that I’ve had better...
It
don’t matter if you’re gonna fuck or if you lick and suck
We
all know she don’t cum easy
She’ll
stack ‘em side by side lined up in rows of five
Asking,
“Who’ll be the one to please me?”
Wet…
that pussy is what you want to make it
Sure,
she’s lied to other guys
Look
her in the eyes and watch out that she don’t fake it
You’ve
asked a lot of dudes who’ve said that it’s the truth
Now
you know she don’t cum easy
You
can open up your mouth and stick your tongue way out
But
you’ll just get claustrophobic and queasy
Wet…
that pussy is what you want to make it
Sure,
she’s lied to other guys
Look
her in the eyes and watch out that she don’t fake it
It
don’t matter if you’re gonna fuck or if you lick and suck
We
all know she don’t cum easy
She’ll
stack ‘em side by side lined up in rows of five
Asking,
“Who’ll be the one to please me?”
CINNABON
GIRL (spoof of CINNAMON GIRL)
I
fell in love with a Cinnabon Girl
When
she reached in with her nub
And
gave my foam latte a swirl
My
Cinnabon Girl
She
drank cream from the pitcher
Stole
all the butter in sight
And
when she called me her pecan
It
was to my delight
My
Cinnabon Girl
Six
sticky buns for here
At
least two more to go
And
throw in a cup of glaze
Because
you just never know
With
a Cinnabon girl
She
looked at me
Like
I had pies in my eyes
I
whispered in her ear
“For
you it's a la mode, my dear”
To
my Cinnabon Girl
I
ordered three vanilla crullers
She
made ‘em disappear
My
eyes grew wide
I
can’t say how …
I
can only say where
But,
it was the last croissant
Which
we both did want
So
we got into a fight...
Now
it seems like nothing’s right
Right!!!
Right!
Right?
I
fell in love with a Cinnabon Girl
When
she reached in with her nub
And
gave my foam latte a swirl
My
Cinnabon Girl
