SET LIST TWENTY-ONE (21)

1 Shell……………………………...228

2 Ten Percent Tom

3 Uh, That's Christmas Nana……...228

4 Man Enough

5 Never Expect It………...…….229

6 Partner In Crime

7 Hurting Her Knees and Pride…….232

8 Dom – Vio…………………...234

9 Fuzzy Math…………..235

10 Every Four Weeks…………...236

11 Rumours From Heaven…...237

12 Venus………………………..239

SHELL

I don't have words, only feelings left.

I'm trying to kill those and put to death.

This emptiness inside these last ten years,

that's how long it's been since you disappeared.

Just when I believed in something...

Something turned into nothing.

Now I'm just a shell of what I used to be.

Left all by myself in this dark blue sea.

Holding nothing sacred anymore.

I don't even fake it,

I just stay bored.

Underachieving, alone and ignored

TEN PERCENT TOM

Ten Percent Tom knew he was wrong

But he didn’t want to get hurt anymore

So he would turtle and hide

Rather than go looking inside

Decided he would no longer go and explore

So he would bide his time

By clogging his mind

With useless and trivial facts

With apathy as his brace

His time he did waste

Time he knows he will never get back

Oh, Ten Percent Tom

Here’s where you went wrong

You lost your passion along with your love

It was another’s mistake

Yet you let your heart break

Looking down instead of looking above

UH THAT'S CHRISTMAS NANA

Has anyone seen my apron?

Has anyone seen my keys?

I can't see too well

Without my glasses

I lost them too

While I was stirring peas

By the way...

Do you know where my car is?

I could have sworn I drove it home

But at least I know when my birthday is

Because this nice man

Who knew I'd forget

He kindly carved it on a stone

Well thanks for helping me find my apron

I left it hanging around my waist

When I opened my car door

In the ignition I found

The keys I'd misplaced

Maybe I'll remember

Where I left my glasses

After a good night's sleep

So I'll go to bed

But wouldn't you know it

When I went in to brush my teeth

I looked in the mirror

And I saw those glasses

On the top of my head

This is just part

Of getting a little older

When you start to forget more

Than most people remember

I just hope you don't forget my birthday

On the twenty-fifth day of December

MAN ENOUGH

Everyone could tell

By the bloodied look on his face

There are some unwritten rules set aside

And applied to the disgraced

So when a vigilante from the crowd appears

To take you for a ride

Be forewarned that silencing fear you hear

The fact that dead men don’t lie

It seems I didn’t even have to make

A character statement in the case

I just said one thing: “I did it…

For the betterment of the human race!”

For the cops, the prisoners, the mob and the jury

They already know just how much

My love for a woman has hurt me

And before she’s backed into a corner

He’ll be the one that gets knocked down

If it was a choice I had to make

I know I’d do the same again

I’m man enough to stand my ground

No, I’d never call it a mistake

I’m man enough to hop in my truck

And sure, I know when to drive away

But I’m man enough to Kick the sh*t outta him

For slapping her in the face…

NEVER EXPECT IT

My wife’s a b*tch

That’s why she gets hit

When I get upset

I just raise my fist

She knows it well

She gave me hell

Then down she fell

Now she ain’t well

My wife’s a bitch

That’s why she gets hit

When I get upset (click sound)

I just raise (bang!)

(pause)

My husband’s dead

I shot him in the head

That’s the last time I said

Now the floor’s all red

Now I’m going off to bed

Later I’ll clean all this mess

Decide whether to confess

Or go and burn this bloody dress

(humming)

My husband’s dead

I shot him in the head

That was the last time I said...

MY PARTNER IN CRIME

We were all the fashion

during an upside-down time

In our dance of passion,

a partnership maligned,

Amidst whispered fears,

still two hearts would intertwine,

As I'd find myself here...

with my partner in crime

See, you were as bad for me,

as I was for myself

We wade in our tempestuous sea

of tortured mental health

I was in too deep…

I knew I had to get out

Are there secrets the other keeps?

We each had no doubt

When neither of us are straight

We blame other names

For our sorrows

We face the same predicament today

As yesterday

As tomorrow

There's a river flowing in my mind

A rage within this howling wind?

It's pulled me from the shadows

Love's flame sucked me in again

Yeah, the same familiar burn

That’s got me so many times before

Time and time again I take my turn

I knew what the future had instore

All those prophets from history

They said faith would set me free

Haha, yeah....

Right before getting torn apart

They had a good ride

Before things went dark

Romeo had Juliet

But I got only this

Judas, sure got a bad rap, man…

It was just one little kiss

Moses parted the deep blue sea

Then he left us all here to drown

Some say redemption's

for the weak

But Me, I chose my thorny crown

Mary Magdalene walked

the streets

No, never once looking to be saved

Remembered as

an uncleansed woman

While I might say new age

and brave

In ancient tales, villains, heroes

and guys like me embark

Between the bounds of love

and hate,

all over the human arc

One birth, one death, the flame,

the dark

Making, missing or never

leaving one’s mark?

Amongst the common men,

I found my voice

A poet's pen, my weapon of choice

With ink-stained hands,

I’ve poured my soul

Into verses raw

and let it all unfold!!!!

Painting canvas with searching, unrelenting prose

Where both hope and despair are there

They seamlessly compose

In strokes of light and shades of gray

The human spirit, in all its display

Yeah, I’ve been doing my best

To pick up and run with the baton

And I’ll hand it to next one

When I’m too old to take this on…

So many that I’ve turned to

They have all fallen by the way

What’s a man left to do when

he’s not sure he wants to pay

The heavy cost that comes with

speaking, thinking for himself

When so many men have said

they’d rather be led

by something or someone else

So here I now stand

in front of the mirror

Covering my eyes,

my mouth, my ears…

Until the only thing left

is a lone voice inside

I’ll let that, along with you,

forever be my guide

Yes, together we’ll go

to wherever God wants us to be

And if there’s no God that’ll mean

that it’s just you and me

So if it’s all up to us…

Then we had best not lose faith

We had better not quit

And most definitely not wait!!!

This opportunity comes once a lifetime

Try your best to enjoy the damn ride!!!

Maybe you’ll find your salvation lies

Not beyond this world

but somewhere withinside

HURTING HER KNEES AND PRIDE

My girlfriend's house...

Her parents are home

They don't like me much...

So we're never alone

I'm sitting on the sofa...

And she's looking so fine

We've been dating so long...

Don't they know she's mine?

They think she's so pure...

And that she can wear white

An innocent girl...

A parents' delight

I'm so sorry...

She didn't tell you what's right

Like what she does...

When she spends the night

Because of these lies...

By your law she abides

Because of these lies...

In the bushes we hide

Because of these lies...

We make love outside

Because of these lies...

We take the car for a ride

They say what's unknown

Doesn't hurt you

And that the truth shall set you free

But if they only knew what I've taken

They'd take you away from me

This is our little secret

So we'll play our charades

We'll keep singing our song

Until the music fades

Come for a ride and I'll take you away

It's finally our turn

In this game that we play

Yeah I'm feeling good

I really got it tonight

Let's drive somewhere

And turn off the lights

Love has its prices

And love has its costs

I'll unbutton your shirt

While you watch out for the cops

Though she can't by wine

She can still buy smokes

Is she old enough to love?

Don't ask her folks

Their old school values

And their old school style

Today I'd place 'em

In an old school pile

Because of the old ways...

They try to keep me away

Because of the old ways...

They never let me stay

Because of the old ways...

This is the game we play

Because of the old ways...

They think we'll wait 'til our wedding day

When she's at college

They never see me at all

And they never hear us rattling the walls

But when she's home

In the window I crawl

Better not get caught...

I hear that dad's gotta gun

I smoke a pack a day...

Don't get far when I run

Too great the risk...

I don't wanna get caught

I think it's time to head

Out to the parking lot

Yeah, out in the corner

And in the shadows we hide

She says,

"It hurts her knees...and it hurts her pride"

DOM-VIO (spoof of DOMINO by Van Morrison)

Note: Dom vio = domestic violence

NFL don't wanna discuss it

What causes concussions on women's brains

Fans may get disgusted

That's when channels start to change

In that case, destroy all evidence

Don't keep it under lock and key

Never have to worry

'Bout facts blowing back at you or back at me...

(Get it?)

no no Dom - Vio (not that night)

So long as there's no video of the fight

Lord, have mercy

I said no no Dom - Vio

You'll be alright

So long as there's no pictures of the fight

Say it again:

I said no oh no Dom - Vio

I said no-oh-no Dom - Vio

(Hid it)

There's no need for argument...

No there's no argument at all...

After you punched her in the elevator

And the camera captured her fall

Or vice versa

That depends on where ever you're at

(The knife)

Sometimes you get the O.J. treatment

And we wonder why they stop fighting back...

(Hit 'em)

Oh there's no video

(It's all right)

So go loco Rocky Marciano

Hey you Greg Hardy

There you go...

Lord have mercy!

I said

No Dom - Vio

If there's no video

They will let you go...

They said it's alright!

Say it again

No Dom - Vio

(Huh!)

I said

No no Dom - Vio

Well, Mr. Goodell I just don't wanna see

Someone who is clearly crazy's

Face on my T.V.

Playin' in the league

For my kids to see

For my kids to be

Uh - uh, not right

Uh - uh, not right

Uh - uh, not right

Uh - uh

I'm gonna leave

FUZZY MATH

(a FEIST parody of their song 1,2,3,4)

Voice of George W. Bush speaking:

Well hello little Jenna...

this is a song that my daddy used to sing to me...

it's called fuzzy math...

Four, three, one, two

So much work we don't wanna do

Three, two, one, four

That's what God made minorities for

This is exactly what my daddy said to me

When I was young he sat me down on his knee

When you're born so insanely rich

There's no reason why you can't be prejudice

Guatemalans came here to cut the grass

For those of us who are high class

While Haitians floated over on a raft

To work at nursing homes wiping grandma's ass

Columbians grow coffee

and sometimes sell cocaine

Those silly little Mexicans

love working in the rain

Not sure whatcha call

the ones that clean our house

But at least they do something

unlike those blacks down south

We were born so insanely rich

Perhaps that's why

we're so prejudice

Eleventeen, three, six, five and eight

Growing up wealthy, white and ignorant

is great

Now tell me daddy... Why'd we really go to war?

So many die... Just what are they fighting for?

He said, "Well honey, think of the world

as a great big machine…

That runs off a whole bunch of oil and gasoline…

And you know those sand people can get pretty mean…

That's why we're so glad Dick Cheney's on our team"

We were born so insanely rich

Perhaps that's why we're so prejudice

Eleventeen, three, six, five and eight

Growing up wealthy, white and ignorant is great

Three, four, two, one

And now my song is done

EVERY FOUR WEEKS

The vagina bleeds…

Every four weeks…

That’s like five to eights days

That I don’t wanna play

My trans friend is fine

With a nice behind

And it’s soft warm hole

A place I can always go

Unless she has Taco Bell

In that case, well

That’s when we wait a day

Just to play it safe

And then the lovin’ don’t stop

Well, that’s just the facts

But sometimes she wants to top

That’s the only drawback

Yeah, as she lubes you up

Smiling, now it’s your turn

And after one big THRUST

You feel your asshole BURN

She reminds you mostly of your mom

Except for the gonads

So be careful bending over

Yeah, she’s hung like her dad

The vagina bleeds…

Every four weeks…

That’s like five to eights days

She says stir the paint

My trans friend is fine

With a nice behind

And a great long taint

Yeah, I can hardly wait!

RUMOURS FROM HEAVEN

The creator never really had a chance

when his disciples could no longer walk straight

The power of song and dance

unleashed after ages inside the Golden Gate

Now that there's rock n roll in heaven

everyone enjoys the hymns

And the only problem the church has

is getting everybody in

These guys all got the same room upstairs

Yes, their landlord is god

still no one seems to care

They all sit and scratch their heads

wondering just who'll come knocking next

Yet time has told them that it's anyone’s guess

Everybody's grateful to be dead

because now they're the house band in Heaven

They fill the place every single night

Now that doesn't sound too upsetting

Hard to tell just how the conversation sounds

When John’s head is just about to hit the ground

Hey John, it's George whose been knocking at the door

Because of course Paul would've rang the bell

John responded that George must've left the Maharishi

Or else I figured we'd a seen him in hell

There goes Hendrix playing without his hands

Wearing only his headband and his funky underpants

Hey George, go get a bucket of cold water

Let’s see if we can get him outta this trance

Sammy Davis Jr. sure can tap dance and he don't eat much

But when Elvis Presley knocks don’t ever let him in

For he'll just eat all of the chips and dip -oh what a sin

But Sinatra's okay because he always brings gin

Hey who invited Bobby Dylan?

You know were not allowed to let anyone in early

Keith Richards came all the way up for nothing

But were sure we'll see him again shortly

The creator never really had a chance

when his disciples could no longer walk straight

The power of song and dance

unleashed after ages inside the Golden Gate

Now that there's rock n roll in heaven

everyone enjoys the hymns

And the only problem the church has

is getting everybody in

John whispers: No you ain't gonna see

what I got in my pocket

But the words that come to me are

knock it off and stop it

You say you want to change your ways

but just what's the use?

I have had far beyond my years

too much pain and abuse

Jim Morrison wakes up mumbling something odd:

The day revolves around the tears

falling from the serpent’s eyes

I hold the pain of the world inside my mind

My ears can no longer hear a child cry

My senses crawl beneath my skin

As a man who once saw all becomes blind

But they all know George

is not the type to be out done:

The pressure of the sky falls on your back

The clouds start laughing in your face

The weather changes all the time

So remove your soul from within its case

Old Blue Eyes never wants to join in

Unless there’s some ladies around

When it’s just the guys

he’s called the Chairman of the Bored

Sitting in some darkened corner

trying not to be found

Now it sounds pretty sad

but everybody is still waiting for Billy Joel

But even though he’s bald and fat

he's still not that old

They’d be happy with Elton John

because they need someone on the keyboard

When everybody heard he stopped doing drugs

they all cried out oh lord!

The group is still split about fifty – fifty

between Madonna and Britney Spears

They'll take anyone but Barbara Streisand

Her stealing the show is what everybody fears

The creator never really had a chance

when his disciples could no longer walk straight

The power of song and dance

unleashed after ages inside the Golden Gate

Now that there's rock n roll in heaven

everyone enjoys the hymns

And the only problem the church has

is getting everybody in

So now you know what you can look forward to

when your day finally comes

You can walk up the stairway to heaven

and go chasing the band that's never on the run

VENUS by Tom Jensen

Venus was raised in the Bronx

A block away from the zoo

She lived with mom and dad

Left home at eighteen

And came back at twenty-two

A little wiser, a little more mature

She went off to college

Like she knew she had to do

She had big green eyes

And these big brown curls

Cutest girl in the neighborhood

Envy of all the boys and girls

She came back from college

With her tassel turned to the side

A wandering soul who found herself

And she felt pretty good inside

The first to graduate

From her family tree

A future bright as any star

Even though she didn’t quite know

What she wanted to be

So she started tending bar

Then she started wasting time

Twisting off the bottle caps

And cutting up the limes

Such a friendly girl

Such a sweet sensation

With a smile and a wink

She’s start a conversation

With anyone on a stool

Or anyone playing pool

She started partying a little

But she usually kept her cool

Just a little bit here

And a little bit there

Soon turned to all the time

And then everywhere

She was searching for some truth

But they only told her lies

But when the ship started sinking

Venus quickly cut her ties

Her friends at the bar

Started bringing her down

So she took a step back

And then she skipped town

So she packed her bags

Set off for who knows where

Coming to the conclusion

It had to be better than there

Well she headed out West

And she did her best

To avoid tricky situations

And police stations

She found an apartment

Upstairs from a coffee shop

A place to live, a place to work

And then the partying stopped

After she took that train west

She got her life on track

And it was waitressing one day

When she met Captain Jack

Cap’n Jack was well known as a player

But he knew just what to say to her

What’s a sweetie like you

Doing in a place like this?

He gave her a big wink

She blew him a little kiss

So he stopped in for coffee

Every morning for three weeks straight

He asked Venus for some sugar

Then he’d ask her for a date

And soon after awhile

She gave him another little smile

She finally gave Jack her number

The next day he dialed

On the first date they had

They went to the museum

Looking so good together

Oh man, you should’ve seen ‘em

The very next day

They saw each other again

And forever after that

They were always making plans

Soon she began to fall in love

With what she thought love was

Venus thought Jack loved her too

Why? Well just because

But little did she know

That when her back was turned

She was getting burned

Because Jack soon learned:

That even after so much time

He still couldn’t change his ways

And like so many others

He learned that cheating doesn’t pay

Venus was hearing wedding bells

The stage was set and all

Jack was either hearing voices

Or else nothing at all

His heart wasn’t in it

But he still played along

Stairway to Heaven

Was their wedding song

Even with a ring on his finger

He was still a cheat

He’d meet a woman at the bar

And he’s sweep her off her feet

Well before she knew it

Venus had been had

With a baby on the way

Captain Jack was gonna be a dad

She went in for a checkup

And the doctor said

there was a problem

She asked what could he do?

Doc said we can’t yet solve it

She had HIV

And there’s to date no cure

Venus dropped her jaw

And asked are you sure?

Venus then asked about the baby

After she fell

And the doctor said that

They couldn’t yet tell

Then she muttered

something about Jack

And then something about hell

When Venus got home

she wore a vale

But she took notes

In the back of her head

Her eyes became suspicious

Her heart filled with dread

Still in the back of her mind

She believed she was

better off dead

All the tears in her eyes

She could never conceal

All the pain in her heart

She could never reveal

The truth of it all

She could never bear

She lost touch with reality

Started not to care

Soon Venus hit the bottle

She started lowering her class

Downing all her sorrows

In the bottom of her glass

When trouble finds you

You can no longer hide

Especially when you carry

An unborn child inside

With future dreams shattered

The past became lost

Paying for another’s sins

The highest of cost

As bottles poured…

Others paid too

Newborn baby entered this world

All pale and blue

Another prayer on a stone

As Venus felt alone

With revenge on her mind

She headed on home

She who hated men

And likewise despised the earth

Suicidal thoughts

Spun back and forth

In clouded judgment

And blackened soul

Venus set out

Spinning out of control

With hatred in her veins

Which burned with every breath

She decided to play God

Walking hand in hand with death

She forgot about Jack

As she tried to hold the pain

She returned to the bars

Started snorting cocaine

Venus took her wedding ring off

When she sat on the stool

She started getting free drinks

From every other fool

Venus got a pick up line

And the guy would buy her a beer

Then he’d say

Hey let’s get outta here

That’s what the guy said

So that’s what the girl did

She played poker with their life

When they didn’t even bid

Venus made them

forget their name

Every single night

Then she’d slip out

In the early morning light

With a smile so wide

He’d say what a lay

Then he’d go and get tested

That very same day

For next to his reflection

in the mirror

Was a note written in red:

“Welcome to the world of AIDS

Pretty soon you’ll be dead”

Venus would hit a new bar

She’d hit a new town

And turn that place

Upside down

Up to her they’d come

And she’d lay ‘em down

Then she’d slip out

Without a sound

He’s drinking Scotch

She’s drinking gin

She’d set a trap

And they’d fall in

Finally she broke down

As her conscience became lost

A heart so cold

It filled with frost

She pulled out a knife

Stabbed Captain Jack

Bleeding from the neck

He fell back

She opened a window

Stood on the ledge

Took one last breath

Went over the edge

I still think of Venus

Every now and again

Before it was all over

She took twenty-one men

first song list