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SET LIST TWENTY-ONE (21)
1 Shell……………………………...228
2 Ten Percent Tom
3 Uh, That's Christmas Nana……...228
4 Man Enough
5 Never Expect It………...…….229
6 Partner In Crime
7 Hurting Her Knees and Pride…….232
8 Dom – Vio…………………...234
9 Fuzzy Math…………..235
10 Every Four Weeks…………...236
11 Rumours From Heaven…...237
12 Venus………………………..239
SHELL
I don't have words, only feelings left.
I'm trying to kill those and put to death.
This emptiness inside these last ten years,
that's how long it's been since you disappeared.
Just when I believed in something...
Something turned into nothing.
Now I'm just a shell of what I used to be.
Left all by myself in this dark blue sea.
Holding nothing sacred anymore.
I don't even fake it,
I just stay bored.
Underachieving, alone and ignored
TEN PERCENT TOM
Ten Percent Tom knew he was wrong
But he didn’t want to get hurt anymore
So he would turtle and hide
Rather than go looking inside
Decided he would no longer go and explore
So he would bide his time
By clogging his mind
With useless and trivial facts
With apathy as his brace
His time he did waste
Time he knows he will never get back
Oh, Ten Percent Tom
Here’s where you went wrong
You lost your passion along with your love
It was another’s mistake
Yet you let your heart break
Looking down instead of looking above
UH THAT'S CHRISTMAS NANA
Has anyone seen my apron?
Has anyone seen my keys?
I can't see too well
Without my glasses
I lost them too
While I was stirring peas
By the way...
Do you know where my car is?
I could have sworn I drove it home
But at least I know when my birthday is
Because this nice man
Who knew I'd forget
He kindly carved it on a stone
Well thanks for helping me find my apron
I left it hanging around my waist
When I opened my car door
In the ignition I found
The keys I'd misplaced
Maybe I'll remember
Where I left my glasses
After a good night's sleep
So I'll go to bed
But wouldn't you know it
When I went in to brush my teeth
I looked in the mirror
And I saw those glasses
On the top of my head
This is just part
Of getting a little older
When you start to forget more
Than most people remember
I just hope you don't forget my birthday
On the twenty-fifth day of December
MAN ENOUGH
Everyone could tell
By the bloodied look on his face
There are some unwritten rules set aside
And applied to the disgraced
So when a vigilante from the crowd appears
To take you for a ride
Be forewarned that silencing fear you hear
The fact that dead men don’t lie
It seems I didn’t even have to make
A character statement in the case
I just said one thing: “I did it…
For the betterment of the human race!”
For the cops, the prisoners, the mob and the jury
They already know just how much
My love for a woman has hurt me
And before she’s backed into a corner
He’ll be the one that gets knocked down
If it was a choice I had to make
I know I’d do the same again
I’m man enough to stand my ground
No, I’d never call it a mistake
I’m man enough to hop in my truck
And sure, I know when to drive away
But I’m man enough to Kick the sh*t outta him
For slapping her in the face…
NEVER EXPECT IT
My wife’s a b*tch
That’s why she gets hit
When I get upset
I just raise my fist
She knows it well
She gave me hell
Then down she fell
Now she ain’t well
My wife’s a bitch
That’s why she gets hit
When I get upset (click sound)
I just raise (bang!)
(pause)
My husband’s dead
I shot him in the head
That’s the last time I said
Now the floor’s all red
Now I’m going off to bed
Later I’ll clean all this mess
Decide whether to confess
Or go and burn this bloody dress
(humming)
My husband’s dead
I shot him in the head
That was the last time I said...
MY PARTNER IN CRIME
We were all the fashion
during an upside-down time
In our dance of passion,
a partnership maligned,
Amidst whispered fears,
still two hearts would intertwine,
As I'd find myself here...
with my partner in crime
See, you were as bad for me,
as I was for myself
We wade in our tempestuous sea
of tortured mental health
I was in too deep…
I knew I had to get out
Are there secrets the other keeps?
We each had no doubt
When neither of us are straight
We blame other names
For our sorrows
We face the same predicament today
As yesterday
As tomorrow
There's a river flowing in my mind
A rage within this howling wind?
It's pulled me from the shadows
Love's flame sucked me in again
Yeah, the same familiar burn
That’s got me so many times before
Time and time again I take my turn
I knew what the future had instore
All those prophets from history
They said faith would set me free
Haha, yeah....
Right before getting torn apart
They had a good ride
Before things went dark
Romeo had Juliet
But I got only this
Judas, sure got a bad rap, man…
It was just one little kiss
Moses parted the deep blue sea
Then he left us all here to drown
Some say redemption's
for the weak
But Me, I chose my thorny crown
Mary Magdalene walked
the streets
No, never once looking to be saved
Remembered as
an uncleansed woman
While I might say new age
and brave
In ancient tales, villains, heroes
and guys like me embark
Between the bounds of love
and hate,
all over the human arc
One birth, one death, the flame,
the dark
Making, missing or never
leaving one’s mark?
Amongst the common men,
I found my voice
A poet's pen, my weapon of choice
With ink-stained hands,
I’ve poured my soul
Into verses raw
and let it all unfold!!!!
Painting canvas with searching, unrelenting prose
Where both hope and despair are there
They seamlessly compose
In strokes of light and shades of gray
The human spirit, in all its display
Yeah, I’ve been doing my best
To pick up and run with the baton
And I’ll hand it to next one
When I’m too old to take this on…
So many that I’ve turned to
They have all fallen by the way
What’s a man left to do when
he’s not sure he wants to pay
The heavy cost that comes with
speaking, thinking for himself
When so many men have said
they’d rather be led
by something or someone else
So here I now stand
in front of the mirror
Covering my eyes,
my mouth, my ears…
Until the only thing left
is a lone voice inside
I’ll let that, along with you,
forever be my guide
Yes, together we’ll go
to wherever God wants us to be
And if there’s no God that’ll mean
that it’s just you and me
So if it’s all up to us…
Then we had best not lose faith
We had better not quit
And most definitely not wait!!!
This opportunity comes once a lifetime
Try your best to enjoy the damn ride!!!
Maybe you’ll find your salvation lies
Not beyond this world
but somewhere withinside
HURTING HER KNEES AND PRIDE
My girlfriend's house...
Her parents are home
They don't like me much...
So we're never alone
I'm sitting on the sofa...
And she's looking so fine
We've been dating so long...
Don't they know she's mine?
They think she's so pure...
And that she can wear white
An innocent girl...
A parents' delight
I'm so sorry...
She didn't tell you what's right
Like what she does...
When she spends the night
Because of these lies...
By your law she abides
Because of these lies...
In the bushes we hide
Because of these lies...
We make love outside
Because of these lies...
We take the car for a ride
They say what's unknown
Doesn't hurt you
And that the truth shall set you free
But if they only knew what I've taken
They'd take you away from me
This is our little secret
So we'll play our charades
We'll keep singing our song
Until the music fades
Come for a ride and I'll take you away
It's finally our turn
In this game that we play
Yeah I'm feeling good
I really got it tonight
Let's drive somewhere
And turn off the lights
Love has its prices
And love has its costs
I'll unbutton your shirt
While you watch out for the cops
Though she can't by wine
She can still buy smokes
Is she old enough to love?
Don't ask her folks
Their old school values
And their old school style
Today I'd place 'em
In an old school pile
Because of the old ways...
They try to keep me away
Because of the old ways...
They never let me stay
Because of the old ways...
This is the game we play
Because of the old ways...
They think we'll wait 'til our wedding day
When she's at college
They never see me at all
And they never hear us rattling the walls
But when she's home
In the window I crawl
Better not get caught...
I hear that dad's gotta gun
I smoke a pack a day...
Don't get far when I run
Too great the risk...
I don't wanna get caught
I think it's time to head
Out to the parking lot
Yeah, out in the corner
And in the shadows we hide
She says,
"It hurts her knees...and it hurts her pride"
DOM-VIO (spoof of DOMINO by Van Morrison)
Note: Dom vio = domestic violence
NFL don't wanna discuss it
What causes concussions on women's brains
Fans may get disgusted
That's when channels start to change
In that case, destroy all evidence
Don't keep it under lock and key
Never have to worry
'Bout facts blowing back at you or back at me...
(Get it?)
no no Dom - Vio (not that night)
So long as there's no video of the fight
Lord, have mercy
I said no no Dom - Vio
You'll be alright
So long as there's no pictures of the fight
Say it again:
I said no oh no Dom - Vio
I said no-oh-no Dom - Vio
(Hid it)
There's no need for argument...
No there's no argument at all...
After you punched her in the elevator
And the camera captured her fall
Or vice versa
That depends on where ever you're at
(The knife)
Sometimes you get the O.J. treatment
And we wonder why they stop fighting back...
(Hit 'em)
Oh there's no video
(It's all right)
So go loco Rocky Marciano
Hey you Greg Hardy
There you go...
Lord have mercy!
I said
No Dom - Vio
If there's no video
They will let you go...
They said it's alright!
Say it again
No Dom - Vio
(Huh!)
I said
No no Dom - Vio
Well, Mr. Goodell I just don't wanna see
Someone who is clearly crazy's
Face on my T.V.
Playin' in the league
For my kids to see
For my kids to be
Uh - uh, not right
Uh - uh, not right
Uh - uh, not right
Uh - uh
I'm gonna leave
FUZZY MATH
(a FEIST parody of their song 1,2,3,4)
Voice of George W. Bush speaking:
Well hello little Jenna...
this is a song that my daddy used to sing to me...
it's called fuzzy math...
Four, three, one, two
So much work we don't wanna do
Three, two, one, four
That's what God made minorities for
This is exactly what my daddy said to me
When I was young he sat me down on his knee
When you're born so insanely rich
There's no reason why you can't be prejudice
Guatemalans came here to cut the grass
For those of us who are high class
While Haitians floated over on a raft
To work at nursing homes wiping grandma's ass
Columbians grow coffee
and sometimes sell cocaine
Those silly little Mexicans
love working in the rain
Not sure whatcha call
the ones that clean our house
But at least they do something
unlike those blacks down south
We were born so insanely rich
Perhaps that's why
we're so prejudice
Eleventeen, three, six, five and eight
Growing up wealthy, white and ignorant
is great
Now tell me daddy... Why'd we really go to war?
So many die... Just what are they fighting for?
He said, "Well honey, think of the world
as a great big machine…
That runs off a whole bunch of oil and gasoline…
And you know those sand people can get pretty mean…
That's why we're so glad Dick Cheney's on our team"
We were born so insanely rich
Perhaps that's why we're so prejudice
Eleventeen, three, six, five and eight
Growing up wealthy, white and ignorant is great
Three, four, two, one
And now my song is done
EVERY FOUR WEEKS
The vagina bleeds…
Every four weeks…
That’s like five to eights days
That I don’t wanna play
My trans friend is fine
With a nice behind
And it’s soft warm hole
A place I can always go
Unless she has Taco Bell
In that case, well
That’s when we wait a day
Just to play it safe
And then the lovin’ don’t stop
Well, that’s just the facts
But sometimes she wants to top
That’s the only drawback
Yeah, as she lubes you up
Smiling, now it’s your turn
And after one big THRUST
You feel your asshole BURN
She reminds you mostly of your mom
Except for the gonads
So be careful bending over
Yeah, she’s hung like her dad
The vagina bleeds…
Every four weeks…
That’s like five to eights days
She says stir the paint
My trans friend is fine
With a nice behind
And a great long taint
Yeah, I can hardly wait!
RUMOURS FROM HEAVEN
The creator never really had a chance
when his disciples could no longer walk straight
The power of song and dance
unleashed after ages inside the Golden Gate
Now that there's rock n roll in heaven
everyone enjoys the hymns
And the only problem the church has
is getting everybody in
These guys all got the same room upstairs
Yes, their landlord is god
still no one seems to care
They all sit and scratch their heads
wondering just who'll come knocking next
Yet time has told them that it's anyone’s guess
Everybody's grateful to be dead
because now they're the house band in Heaven
They fill the place every single night
Now that doesn't sound too upsetting
Hard to tell just how the conversation sounds
When John’s head is just about to hit the ground
Hey John, it's George whose been knocking at the door
Because of course Paul would've rang the bell
John responded that George must've left the Maharishi
Or else I figured we'd a seen him in hell
There goes Hendrix playing without his hands
Wearing only his headband and his funky underpants
Hey George, go get a bucket of cold water
Let’s see if we can get him outta this trance
Sammy Davis Jr. sure can tap dance and he don't eat much
But when Elvis Presley knocks don’t ever let him in
For he'll just eat all of the chips and dip -oh what a sin
But Sinatra's okay because he always brings gin
Hey who invited Bobby Dylan?
You know were not allowed to let anyone in early
Keith Richards came all the way up for nothing
But were sure we'll see him again shortly
The creator never really had a chance
when his disciples could no longer walk straight
The power of song and dance
unleashed after ages inside the Golden Gate
Now that there's rock n roll in heaven
everyone enjoys the hymns
And the only problem the church has
is getting everybody in
John whispers: No you ain't gonna see
what I got in my pocket
But the words that come to me are
knock it off and stop it
You say you want to change your ways
but just what's the use?
I have had far beyond my years
too much pain and abuse
Jim Morrison wakes up mumbling something odd:
The day revolves around the tears
falling from the serpent’s eyes
I hold the pain of the world inside my mind
My ears can no longer hear a child cry
My senses crawl beneath my skin
As a man who once saw all becomes blind
But they all know George
is not the type to be out done:
The pressure of the sky falls on your back
The clouds start laughing in your face
The weather changes all the time
So remove your soul from within its case
Old Blue Eyes never wants to join in
Unless there’s some ladies around
When it’s just the guys
he’s called the Chairman of the Bored
Sitting in some darkened corner
trying not to be found
Now it sounds pretty sad
but everybody is still waiting for Billy Joel
But even though he’s bald and fat
he's still not that old
They’d be happy with Elton John
because they need someone on the keyboard
When everybody heard he stopped doing drugs
they all cried out oh lord!
The group is still split about fifty – fifty
between Madonna and Britney Spears
They'll take anyone but Barbara Streisand
Her stealing the show is what everybody fears
The creator never really had a chance
when his disciples could no longer walk straight
The power of song and dance
unleashed after ages inside the Golden Gate
Now that there's rock n roll in heaven
everyone enjoys the hymns
And the only problem the church has
is getting everybody in
So now you know what you can look forward to
when your day finally comes
You can walk up the stairway to heaven
and go chasing the band that's never on the run
VENUS by Tom Jensen
Venus was raised in the Bronx
A block away from the zoo
She lived with mom and dad
Left home at eighteen
And came back at twenty-two
A little wiser, a little more mature
She went off to college
Like she knew she had to do
She had big green eyes
And these big brown curls
Cutest girl in the neighborhood
Envy of all the boys and girls
She came back from college
With her tassel turned to the side
A wandering soul who found herself
And she felt pretty good inside
The first to graduate
From her family tree
A future bright as any star
Even though she didn’t quite know
What she wanted to be
So she started tending bar
Then she started wasting time
Twisting off the bottle caps
And cutting up the limes
Such a friendly girl
Such a sweet sensation
With a smile and a wink
She’s start a conversation
With anyone on a stool
Or anyone playing pool
She started partying a little
But she usually kept her cool
Just a little bit here
And a little bit there
Soon turned to all the time
And then everywhere
She was searching for some truth
But they only told her lies
But when the ship started sinking
Venus quickly cut her ties
Her friends at the bar
Started bringing her down
So she took a step back
And then she skipped town
So she packed her bags
Set off for who knows where
Coming to the conclusion
It had to be better than there
Well she headed out West
And she did her best
To avoid tricky situations
And police stations
She found an apartment
Upstairs from a coffee shop
A place to live, a place to work
And then the partying stopped
After she took that train west
She got her life on track
And it was waitressing one day
When she met Captain Jack
Cap’n Jack was well known as a player
But he knew just what to say to her
What’s a sweetie like you
Doing in a place like this?
He gave her a big wink
She blew him a little kiss
So he stopped in for coffee
Every morning for three weeks straight
He asked Venus for some sugar
Then he’d ask her for a date
And soon after awhile
She gave him another little smile
She finally gave Jack her number
The next day he dialed
On the first date they had
They went to the museum
Looking so good together
Oh man, you should’ve seen ‘em
The very next day
They saw each other again
And forever after that
They were always making plans
Soon she began to fall in love
With what she thought love was
Venus thought Jack loved her too
Why? Well just because
But little did she know
That when her back was turned
She was getting burned
Because Jack soon learned:
That even after so much time
He still couldn’t change his ways
And like so many others
He learned that cheating doesn’t pay
Venus was hearing wedding bells
The stage was set and all
Jack was either hearing voices
Or else nothing at all
His heart wasn’t in it
But he still played along
Stairway to Heaven
Was their wedding song
Even with a ring on his finger
He was still a cheat
He’d meet a woman at the bar
And he’s sweep her off her feet
Well before she knew it
Venus had been had
With a baby on the way
Captain Jack was gonna be a dad
She went in for a checkup
And the doctor said
there was a problem
She asked what could he do?
Doc said we can’t yet solve it
She had HIV
And there’s to date no cure
Venus dropped her jaw
And asked are you sure?
Venus then asked about the baby
After she fell
And the doctor said that
They couldn’t yet tell
Then she muttered
something about Jack
And then something about hell
When Venus got home
she wore a vale
But she took notes
In the back of her head
Her eyes became suspicious
Her heart filled with dread
Still in the back of her mind
She believed she was
better off dead
All the tears in her eyes
She could never conceal
All the pain in her heart
She could never reveal
The truth of it all
She could never bear
She lost touch with reality
Started not to care
Soon Venus hit the bottle
She started lowering her class
Downing all her sorrows
In the bottom of her glass
When trouble finds you
You can no longer hide
Especially when you carry
An unborn child inside
With future dreams shattered
The past became lost
Paying for another’s sins
The highest of cost
As bottles poured…
Others paid too
Newborn baby entered this world
All pale and blue
Another prayer on a stone
As Venus felt alone
With revenge on her mind
She headed on home
She who hated men
And likewise despised the earth
Suicidal thoughts
Spun back and forth
In clouded judgment
And blackened soul
Venus set out
Spinning out of control
With hatred in her veins
Which burned with every breath
She decided to play God
Walking hand in hand with death
She forgot about Jack
As she tried to hold the pain
She returned to the bars
Started snorting cocaine
Venus took her wedding ring off
When she sat on the stool
She started getting free drinks
From every other fool
Venus got a pick up line
And the guy would buy her a beer
Then he’d say
Hey let’s get outta here
That’s what the guy said
So that’s what the girl did
She played poker with their life
When they didn’t even bid
Venus made them
forget their name
Every single night
Then she’d slip out
In the early morning light
With a smile so wide
He’d say what a lay
Then he’d go and get tested
That very same day
For next to his reflection
in the mirror
Was a note written in red:
“Welcome to the world of AIDS
Pretty soon you’ll be dead”
Venus would hit a new bar
She’d hit a new town
And turn that place
Upside down
Up to her they’d come
And she’d lay ‘em down
Then she’d slip out
Without a sound
He’s drinking Scotch
She’s drinking gin
She’d set a trap
And they’d fall in
Finally she broke down
As her conscience became lost
A heart so cold
It filled with frost
She pulled out a knife
Stabbed Captain Jack
Bleeding from the neck
He fell back
She opened a window
Stood on the ledge
Took one last breath
Went over the edge
I still think of Venus
Every now and again
Before it was all over
She took twenty-one men
first song list